I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
