Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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