While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
