Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
