this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We need to get me chipped asap
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