u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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