Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
