She is in my trunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
