We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
