I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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