awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need a burrito and a hug.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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