porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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