So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
