walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
