Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
