just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
