Do you still have your period?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
