One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
