dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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