I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
