You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
