pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
