do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
4 words: hood of his car
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
