not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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