doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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