Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
