did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
