not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
