the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
