just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
