Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
