Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
