The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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