do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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