Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
