Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my being single is dangerous.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
