I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
