NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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