The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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