Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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