i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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