i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
