i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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