apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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