Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
