this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
