I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
