If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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