1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
