I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
